"Move Your Life Forward-Now"

That's the title of the article in Cosmo this month that really got me thinking. Yes, I read Cosmo. Sometimes it's a little too explicit for my liking, but this month's issue was really good. Anyway, it just talks about being in a rut, and how to get out of it. And it really got me thinking, because I've been very rut-ty lately. And the article talks about moving to new places and whatnot, which I can't really do right at the moment, but it made me think about what it is I do want to change and what risks I want to take. It's like new years resolutions, half way through. But I've decided the main thing I need to fix and change is my:

Confidence!

I just feel all sorts of out of whack lately and the only thing I can pinpoint it is, is my lack of confidence. I know it's a super vague statement, but it entails more. In high school, the awkward years, I think I was much more confident than I am now. Yes, I had the regular disappointments and teen angst and all that, but I think I liked myself a lot more than I have been lately. And I can think of a few reasons why.

Style/Fashion: And I'm not just talking about keeping up with the trends and what's hot right now. I'm very much a t-shirt and jeans kinda girl, super laid back, low key, air dry my hair, only wear mascara. But lately I think I've been trying too hard. It's kinda hard not to sometimes. I feel so much pressure to look stepford perfect. And the only pressure is from me. Derek prefers me low key. When I get dressed up, he gets all weirded out. Wondering who I'm trying to impress. Honestly, I don't really know. I think I'm just trying to do what's expected. But by who? And like I said in my last post, since having a baby, none of my old clothes fit like they used to, and I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to shop to accommodate my new body. Which segues into...

Fitness/Health: I think I'm stuck in that weird place right now, with the last 10-15 lbs being the hardest to lose. I mean, I think I'm somewhat in good shape. I go to yoga every week, I can go on long-ish walks without dying, but I have a long ways to go. The main thing I have to dress around and stress about it the tummy flab. Still here 16 months later! I know I can definitely improve my eating and workout habits. Like right now, eating a bowl of cereal. Cinnamon Toast Crunch at 12:30 at night, probably not the best idea.

Music: I miss it. I miss being apart of it. Jazz choir and marching band were what I lived for in high school and my very limited college experience. Marching band is the only class I went to regularly in my short time at BYU-I. I don't really have an excuse not to be doing music now. I have a piano in my home, vocal chords, youtube for tutorials. And it's not like Jonah or Derek would object. Jonah loves it when I sing. I can tell. And I still occasionally get complimented on my voice. It IS good. I should do something with it.

Motivation: I've never been very good at this. Which is why I'm a messy, lazy, look for the easy route kinda person. But in order to do any of these things, that's all I need. I always convince myself I don't have the right stuff or enough money, but that's not true. I don't need exactly all the right things. Just the right motivation and spirit. Instead of watching several movies a day and playing online games and eating too much. I need to make myself into my best self. And along with that, I need to stop putting myself down. There's always a little truth behind sarcasm and in jokes.

I have lots of ideas and goals I'd like to do. Now it's just time to do them. No excuses, no laziness. Not doing these things makes me unhappy. And no amount of money or things is going to make me feel better. I feel best when I feel accomplished.

I love you guys. Time for bed now. Thanks for listening